If I am going to be honest in this post, I have to be fully transparent. I know some people will say keep it to yourself but then I wouldn't be authentic in trying to help others with support.
Matthew has been fighting the addiction of being an alcoholic a battle that will need a lifetime of treatment. Some days he wins and most days he loses.
That is just how it goes. For me I feel like we are always losing.
It could be because I have to sit and watch the man I love go through an excessive amount of pain. It could also be because I feel like I know what is best for him. I could be wrong on the second part but when you love someone with a problem you always think you know best because you want the best outcomes.
Matthew has low blood platelets. He has 9 out of 150. Anything under 4 he could possibly die. He also has bruises that won't heal. He has a deep dark purple bruise on his chest that has been there for about 2 months. Has no lighten or gotten smaller. Which was a sign that I knew he was getting sick.
If you are someone who get fed up and angry with your addict partner, I do not blame you also do not blame yourself for the harsh words spoken to each other. This will always be a process and a battle with a never-ending war. I have been dealing with addicts because I feel like I always need to fix someone or something. It could be to deflect from my own issues, it could be I am looking for someone to care for me like I care for others. I don't think I will ever know the real reason I have attracted those who need the most help, but I will say I do not plan on changing how my heart wants to help others.
If you are like me there is good karma coming your way even though it may not seem like it believe me it is coming. Just look for the rainbow after the storm because it's always there.
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