Yesterday 5/26/24 was my final goodbye to Matthew. I was fine all day after
but today the day after. I haven't been able to do much. I can't get out of bed. I can't eat. I keep laying with my eyes closed like I'm sleeping but I'm not.
It has taken me several hours to force myself off the coach to sit at my desk. I feel physically sick. My head hurts, my body is hot, my chest is empty, and my throat is sore.
I just keep staring at the wall, or the phone, or even the tv. I have a movie playing but I can't hear anything.
My kids are all keeping busy, and I wonder if they noticed I haven't moved. I am trying to, but it is like my body is paralyzed. I keep telling myself to get up and move. Get up and clean. Get up and do something. I physically can't.
How long does this last for? How long till I'm "normal"? Will I ever be able to breathe again?
Sitting here typing this I can feel my body getting exhausted. I hear this is what they call depression. I am trying to get up and move. I have to get up and move. I have kids who need me.
I don't know if I am going to be able to push through it today. Maybe tomorrow? Maybe not?
What I do know is I love him so much and one day we will be together.
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