Like clock work I wake up at 4 am. I lay there and I just wait. I stare at phone and listen for the noises.
I’m not waiting for Matthew to wake up or walk in because he isn’t there. He is never going to be there again.
Sometimes I think I fall asleep or I’m just laying there with my eyes closed pretending to be asleep. The darkness disappears and the sun comes up and I have to force myself to get up out of bed. To move, To breathe, To blink To think.
Once I’m moving I’m moving then when I stop I stop.
Then it starts all over again
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