You ever know exactly where you are going but you are lost getting there. You go there a million of times. Your body can go there without...

I am in a never-ending nightmare. I hate that this nightmare isn't a dream I am not going to wake up because I am already awake. I am...

I am going to feel everything and nothing all at once. I am guessing this is part of the grieving or healing process. How do I even know...

Yesterday 5/26/24 was my final goodbye to Matthew. I was fine all day after but today the day after. I haven't been able to do much. I...

I Have 12 hours before I see Matthew for the last time in body form. He is no longer there. I like to believe his soul has moved on and...

Tomorrow Matthew Will be laid to rest, and I am ready for it to be over. I don't want to deal with it anymore. Getting the last outfit,...

I don’t feel anything. I laugh but it isn’t real. I smile but it isn’t real. I am just nothing. There is a pain on my chest that it...

I keep wondering If I am sad enough. Should I be crying more? Should I be having meltdowns? How am I supposed to be reacting? I keep...

Like clock work I wake up at 4 am. I lay there and I just wait. I stare at phone and listen for the noises. I’m not waiting for Matthew...

I admit I have had this pain in my chest that has not gone away. It's not something you can fix or go to the doctor to discuss. It's an...

My first official day back at work and everyone is staring at me like I'm wearing the plague on my face or like my husband just died. How...

Imagine how I feel. I'm still sending him messages and reels on Facebook messenger. Knowing he will never see them. Waiting for a...

It wasn't just me who lost someone. My girls also lost a father figure. They lost the strong father figure they needed. I have been able...

What is supposed to make me feel better? Being with friends, being with family, being with my kids? I don't think anything will make it...

I go back to work on the 23rd. Pretty soon if you ask me. How am I getting by? I am staying distracted. I am just putting myself in other...

May 21,2024 It hasn't even been a week so, how much could I have really healed right? I haven't stopped counting the days. They are all...

-Matthew Valadez How am I supposed to go by something that I can barely believe in these days. If the world was fair, I wouldn't have...

It safe to say the world has started moving on. I have been filled with grief and not wanting to move or breathe or have the words to...

Everyone is asking how am I doing and I am saying I'm okay but really I don't know what I feel. I don't know if it is today or tomorrow...

I been M.I.A for maybe about two weeks and let me tell you. These two weeks have really made me feel like nothing. I have been through so...